DIEGO LEDESMA is in the ring in our opening bout. He is 6-3 and came in to some Iron Maiden song I don't recognize. If I don't know it, that means it is new, and I fear change, so it is bad. His opponent has a hype video even and some funny tattoos. He is Hugo Chavez, I am told. I think. Or that's someone else's name. People in the crowd clap during a fast cut. He has bad highlights. Oh, it is DIEGO CHAVES, pro one year, 22 years of age. Record is 4-0 with 4KOs. I have a feeling about this one.
REPLAY OF GLOVES BEING TOUCHED. TYC SPORTS IS YOUR HOME FOR ACTION
Chaves lacks defense and throws really nice left hooks to the body. I would like to see more of him already. They are those glorious kind of left hooks that you only ever see in kick boxing when like Lebanner throws them. You know the kind, with all the leverage and stuff. He does, however, lack Lebanner's wonky and disgusting nose. My fiancee hates his nose. Even I find it physically repulsive. As great a figure as he is, I can never root for him to win the GP unless he gets it fixed. Or maybe if he promised to retire and have plastic surgery?
While I typed, the guy who is supposed to lose was knocked down into the ropes and given a standing 8. Oh well. I can rewind it. I have the powar (holla dude on kaiju that was "fat powar" you were my fav that was not andrew). Upon closer inspection, it was a standing 8 count. God I hate that. Figures Argentina still has it. Second round starts after some fastforwarding and the guy drops the mouthpiece even before getting hit. This is a part of the world where they whistle for displeasure. I think I like it more than happy whistling. This fight annoys me because it continues to exist, and as I type that sentence, the dude who should lose is dropped and can't beat the count. KNOCK OUT KNOCK OUT KNOCK OUT says the announcer man who is losing his shit while everyone in the gymnasium is just okay with it. Diego Chaves has t-shirts with a very simple glove logo and some sort of cartoonish bubble font. Low overhead means low costs to the commoners.
I admit interest as to how TyC Sports pays their bills. There are never commercials for anything but TyC programming. Apparently they are big in their homeland. MOLITOR/CABALLERO highlights. My compadre here is cry. TYC suggests I watch Sportiva, which is some sort of poor Sportscenter or something. I shall pass. I am reminded that I did watch TV Peru's election night coverage. There were two people in a small studio with a black curtain and a flat screen TV looking at like electoral-vote.com. Seating is shown on the floor: It is white plastic lawn chairs. The stackable kind. PROMO VIDEO for Casanova/Acosta. I will go on a limb and say that is the main event.
And it is! Hector Casanova and Ruben Acosta is the headliner (?). RUBEN ACOSTA prefers the sound of new AC/DC it seems. Pro 6 years, he's 19-3-5 with 5 KOs. Oh, he's about 165lbs, so I guess this is a super middleweight fight. I didn't bother trying to do conversions with the prior fight but I think it was featherweights or something. HECTOR CASANOVA comes in second and has a title belt making him super middleweight champion of Argentina. Pro 12 years, his record is a more lengthy 22-11-0 with 9KOs. Having seen Argentine 168lb fighters previously (notably Valentin Antonio Ochoa), I expect little.
The fight starts and Acosta almost falls over on the ring canvas. It is because the corner is wet. Clearly, needs more Shamwow. Casanova is like twice as big as this dude. I'm guessing Acosta's weight is all a old school steel hip implant. This fight is also boring. It resembles a heavyweight bout in the speed and activity of the combatants. Naturally, a win here probably makes one a top contender to fight Joe Calzaghe (zing!). The basic underlying issue with this thus far is that Casanova's jab is controlling the action to the pont where his opponent is afraid to do anything, and so Casanova can't counter. So there is staring. Casanova lands something and Acosta fires back and hurts his opponent. The last 90m seconds feature a lot of both men throwing hyper wild and missing. Its like watching a pair of dudes from D-League see who can sink the most half court shots.
ROUND 3! I forgot to not use shift and so it came out as "ROUND #" the first few times I typed. The ref looks like the dad from Addams Family. MOAR swinging and missing. Acosta lands and Casanova goes back into the ring. Half of the effectiveness of his attack now involves rushing in after his wild right hand punches with the crown of his head. Mouthpiece falls out of Acosta's mouth due to the heavy duty clinching. Casanova tries to do something approximating combination punching. Acosta is throwing haymakers like all get out. It is like watching someone play Fight Night Round 3 in slow motion. Casanova with some solid shots at the bell. My ass hurts from sitting in one place.
Round 4 and no one is still reading. Acosta moves his head and the announcer is calling jabs that are not there. He is still excited, perhaps because someone is paying for his input re: this event. Acosta's wild swinging has been dulled by punches to the face in repetition. Not that there were tons, but apparently he doesn't have enough in him to continue with such a game plan. Casanova plods some more and wins the round.
Round 5:
Acosta, no jab
'Nova inept, on canvas
bedsore on my ass?
There is excitement! Casanova has no defense and is hurt by a counter left hook thrown by an off balance Acosta, who follows it with a short right uppercut. My hope that the fight would end is dashed by the minimal time remaining in the round. Casanova is warned of headbutts in round 6 even though the other guy is leading with his head. Acosta is still throwing Street Fighter 2 punches, and a right hand/left arm throw drops Casanova again. Another set of haymakers leads to a standing 8. Acosta is all sorts of wild. Big left hook drops Acosta again and its TECHNICO TECHNICO TECHHHHHNICO. Oh thank god. I've been in the car for like 5 hours today and sitting at slot machines and tables for another 2. Being this inert just loses value after feasting like I and everyone else in the country had.
Stretching/Fast forwarding/drinking some water: swing bout time! FABIO SASTRE SILVA is pro two years going, 5-3-1, 3KOs, and hails from the boxing hotbed of, uh, Montevideo, Uruguay. He promotes subaltur.com, which apparently sells houses for tourist rental. Well. WELLLLLLLL. Right up my alley, fo sho. Next dude is very popular. He is JAVIER MACIEL, is reppin' Florida and has a record of 8-0 with 4 KOs. Why is he in Argentina? No idea.
Maciel may have actually lost the first because he didn't do anything. He fights with the fluidity of C-3PO. Seriously, I wonder if the names given were wrong. Maciel fights like this is points fighting. He is better skilled and more athletic but seems to lack connecting his movements to fighting. Silva probably scraps for free at his local pub or cantina or whatever. Round 3 starts and all I can think is that Maciel raped someone and is avoiding capture. He begins to do things that enthrall as this round starts to end, landing some nice uppercuts. The sorta white guy is hurt with such an uppercut about midway through round 4 but hangs tough. INSERT POP REFERENCE.
JESUS TE DA LORD says a ringpost. Separation of church and sport? Apparently not here. This is a god that's an awesome god because he's way into pugilism. TRADING OF PUNCHES! LACK OF DEFENSE! Dana would tell you that if boxing wasn't broken, this is what would excite the masses. Then again, I think the masses don't give a shit about Nate Quarry. Could be just me. Meanwhile, the rapist is walking down the guy who can't really box well and then just drops his hand and gets hit and then backs off before reestablishing the chase (which is, unlike what some would claim, is not necessarily better than the catch). Its not that this is bad, just wholly ordinary.
In the 6th, the punches of the floridian land with graet accuracy. Pretty much everything makes contact, but the second the Uruguian throws punches, Machiel stops. Fight ends because apparently it was only a 6 rounder. Thank goodness. Maciel wins a unanimous decision, crowd is happy.
